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University of Miami Granted Patent For Inventing Swagger

The United States Patent and Trade Mark Office approved a patent submitted by the University of Miami for the invention of swagger.

"Ain't no thing," said University of Miami's quarterback Malik Rossier, who has led his team to a thus-far undefeated season. "Everyone knows the U invented swagger. So what took the government so long?"

The University of Miami have been claiming to have invent swagger since the 1980's, but for years has been unable to demonstrate their first use status to the US government. But the Patent and Trademark Office became convinced of the University's claims earlier this year with the debut of the "Turnover Chain."

"We thought the University's claims were dubious, but as soon as we saw that chain on the field we knew the school had swag out the ass. I mean, who does that? Give them a patent, trademark, whatever. Those guys deserve this," said Patent Officer Bob Crochet.

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Milo is the Editor of the Plantain. He went to college.
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