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Study: Marijuana Linked to Stupid Thoughts Only You Think Are Funny

A study released on 4/20 from the University of Miami found a correlation between marijuana use and stupid jokes only you think are funny, you idiot. "The drug has an effect on the brain's cognitive functions that causes the user to think they're funnier than they actually are," said Professor Prem Goodall of the School's botany department.

"So it'll make me funny AND get me high?" asked daily marijuana user Anna Myers before chuckling to herself and stuttering out "that's like killing two birds with one scone." The 24-year-old then stared blankly at this reporter for a minute, smiled, and started explaining how this was all like the plot of 13-year-old episodes of Family Guy before taking another strained hit of a clogged bowl and saying "Giggity!"

The study also found a link between marijuana use and perceptions of profound thought. In the study, roughly 4/5 (86%) of participants experienced what they mistakenly identified as deep thoughts that were, in actuality, only misremembered Neil Degrasse Tyson quotes or "Roll Safe" memes. "If I live too long I'm afraid I'll die," said 27-year-old Nicole Lappin to herself shortly after hitting a blunt a little too hard, causing her to get into her own head and start crying at the realization that she too will eventually die.

The remaining 14% of participants fell asleep before they were able to record their thoughts.

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Milo is the Editor of the Plantain. He went to college.
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