The Plantain
latest

Report: No One Cares That You're Having A Second Child

A study by the Center for Pediatric Medicine confirms what many have long suspected: No one gives a shit that you're having a second child.

Statistician recorded the reactions of thousands of individuals as they learned strangers, friends, and work acquaintances were having a second child. The experiment demonstrated conclusively that no one really cared.

"Having a child is a life changing, amazing experience," said parental psychologist Dr. Darren Butts. "But research shows that the relative impact of having a second child is sort of meh. So you really can't blame people for being sort of uninterested."

Dolores Michael, who is expecting her second child in March took offense to the study. "Having a baby is a miracle. People are very happy for me," she told the Plantain. However, when pressed, the 28-year-old mother reluctantly admitted that everyone she told was just sort of polite about it and her colleagues at work didn't even throw her a shower like they did when she was pregnant with her first. "They all signed a card, but there was no cake," Dolores said through tears.

"If anything I need more support. Do you know how hard it is to be pregnant while also raising a toddler?" Dolores asked me, I assumed rhetorically. By that point I sort of lost interest in the story and started playing on my phone.

Author image
Milo is the Editor of the Plantain. He went to college.
Miami Website