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BREAKING: FOX News Fires Bill O'Reilly 21-Years After Discovering He Is An Awful Person

"After a thorough and careful review of the allegations, the Company and Bill O'Reilly have agreed that Bill O'Reilly will not be returning to the Fox News Channel," the company said in a statement 21-years after first discovering that Bill O'Reilly is a terrible human being.

O'Reilly's departure was precipitated by a New York Times report earlier this month that O'Reilly, Fox and 21st Century Fox had reached settlements totaling $13 million with five women who had accused O'Reilly of sexual harassment or verbal abuse.

In the wake of the Times' report, at least 60 advertisers told Fox to remove their commercials from "The O'Reilly Factor." In a statement from Fox News, the organization said Mr. O'Reilly's actions were not unacceptable and that it would not tolerate this level of lost profits.

"We have an obligation to our shareholders to not give a platform to anyone that cuts into our company's bottom line," said a Fox News spokesperson who said the company was shocked by O'Reilly's alleged actions even though it knew about the multiple settlements he entered into with the numerous women who have accused him of improprieties over the years. "This is really much worse than the decades of racist rhetoric Bill has espoused on our network or the many other women who have accused him of sexist, violent, or harassing deeds in the past."

Bill O'Reilly was expected to address the controversy in a pre-taped segment of The O'Reilly Factor, but due to a technical error with the teleprompter Mr. O'Reilly grew angry, looked at his wrist a few times, shook his head, and screamed "We'll do it live, Fuck it!" adding "Fuckin' thing sucks!" before leaving the set.

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Milo is the Editor of the Plantain. He went to college.
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